April 2013
1 post
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March 2013
6 posts
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“According to a poll we conducted in 2011, Garden State residents are far more...”
– captain obvious
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can the montclair public library really be the...
~~~ the montclair thymes investigates using maps and stuff ~~~
the montclair public library wants to be the center of community according to their “strategic plan.” is it in their strategic plan to physically move to the actual center of town, though? because, frankly speaking, it would be a shame to steal the glory of LITERALLY being the center of community from whoever actually is...
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mass epidemic alert in montclair - msu students...
montclair state university is so high up on “the hill” that everyone there gets their news about 15 minutes later than the rest of us. then we get news from up there 15 minutes after that. aolol’s patchypatch is reporting an enormous number of “viral” videos coming from the hill which involve terrorist-friendly lyrics in FOREIGN languages and dance moves that...
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BREAKING NEWS: BARISTANET BREAKS NEWS ABOUT...
we are so ashamed. we disappear for months and awake to hot moms telling us that lets yo is for sale.
where did team frobros go wrong?
can’t help but think that let’s yo being for sale is all because of our sudden absence. if we had $1.1 million cash money dollar bills, we would buy let’s yo and reopen it as an erotic cakes shop. it wouldn’t be appropriate for the teen...
breaking: editarghhh loses password to montclair...
omg i forgot my password to this site so i couldn’t do the snooze and it turns out the password was “caryafrick666” the whole time arghhhhhhhhh
September 2012
2 posts
5 tags
srirachaslut asked: yoyoyo i really want you to mention the french brasserie Epernay, on Park St. some day. check it out! they do (or we do) an open mic every monday night but not nearly enough people know about it. plus we have kick ass homemade biscuits. check us out thymez <3
August 2012
3 posts
5 tags
are we witnessing the froyo bubble burst?
DOOM AND GLOOM THEY SAY!
the hot moms of baristanet say that there are five froyo places and a newspaper says that there is going to be a shakedown. do you think the shakedown will be between froyo places, or newspapers and blogs talking about froyo? or maybe the froyo bros (froybros) against the media bruh alliance that is against it.
we don’t blame the mediabruhs for being a bunch of...
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“I can’t wait for Edible Arrangements to come to Montclair!”
– no one
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July 2012
10 posts
7 tags
“I moved over to the pharmacy section, seeking rolaids—which they...”
– man seeks rolaids in montclair a&p. finds true love instead.
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chasing pavements: south park street construction...
hey snoozies, have you been past the south park street construction site? it’s looking good, right?
how crazy is it that it was only 15 weeks ago that we were just strolling down south park street, zig-zag jaywalking from the leone’s to urban outfitters, back and forth, just because we could.
we were younger, then.
remember laying on the sidewalk in front of warehouse cheap/chic,...
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does the 13 hands tribal council of love and good...
A MONTCLAIR THYMES INVESTIGATIVE REPORT
yesterday someone called out a musician named “13 hands dalien / daniel mcbride (grammy nominee/world music genre)” for always mentioning about how he was grammy nominated, and the “13 hands tribal council of love and good music,” who we at the thymes are assuming is 13 hands himself, responded with a 2400+ word comment/Western...
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debbie, no - a poem for the queen of hyperlocal
debbie, no.
why you have to go?
don’t leave this dino bro hangin’
want to break the news but all that i can do is snooze now that you’re no longer in my life so says the press
thought saying goodbye to africk was enough grief to make me feel sick
but now, like justin timberlake says, you’re gone
all i’ve got is this poem for you thanking you for the things...
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who wore what? the fab and drab of this year's...
were you at the montclair 4th of july parade today? we were, and we were so excited to see all the FABULOUS characters marching down bloomfield ave in the 90-degree heat. unfortunately, there were some that didn’t bring their a-game, but there’s always next year! here are the fab and drab of this years parade outfits:
FAB - this awesome guy and his band, all decked out in bedazzling...
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EXCLUSIVE BREAKING NEWS: CARY AFRICK IS GOING TO...
turns out we don’t need to say goodbye to cary africk and a blogworthy council! our hbic (head bb in charge), africk, emailed the editarghh exclusively to announce that he will continue writing at http://caryafrick.posterous.com/
“I promise to write a lot more …” ~ cary africk in an email sent to us and no one else
although there was a one-year gap between his second to...
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POLL: IS MONTCLAIR COUNCIL 50% LESS BLOGWORTHY NOW...
the new town council was sworn in yesterday, and that means there will probably be less blogs from cary africk.
just kidding!
well you came and blogged for me and now there’s so much more i read and so by the way i thank cary africk
with a new town council comes more hopes and dreams to hope and dream, maybe an increase in taxes, folks threatening to move to canada/bloomfield, less...
June 2012
19 posts
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“The person responsible for the abduction is the ugliest, somehow an...”
– gifro220, baristanet commenter, and first inductee into the new WHAT IS THIS, I DON’T EVEN? montclair thymes hall of fame.
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we are the unemployed teens of #montclair
an open letter to the talking heads of the baristanet commenting section
we are the unemployed teens of #montclair
we want to ride bikes all day, but we don’t think that will look as good on our resumes as internships on wall st would. maybe there are some internships available on the south park st development location. will move rocks and dirt for itunes gift cards and/or iced...
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P@TCH BREAKS NEWS ON NEW YOGURT JOINT IN UPPER...
“another froyo joint? great news!” - no one
the editarghh’s father always hated yogurt. when it came to the delicious live cultures, he said “i don’t like to taste things that can taste me back.” well, montclairites have yet another place to get tasted because another frozen yogurt place is opening.
why all the yogurt places? we have a couple of theories.
...
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Anonymous asked: where is the love?
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BREAKING NEWS - hyperlocal darlings, montclair... →
we woke up early to find some news to breakfast in our kitchen pantry, and were pleasantly surprised to see we got some press from baristanet. to us, baristanet is like the george clinton of hyperlocal, and them writing about us is like george clinton writing “give up the hyperlocal (tear the roof off this froyo shop)” just for us. we wonder if we’ll ever get some funkadelic love...
Anonymous asked: You're hilarious! You should stop by the Fountain Plaza shops - we've got plenty of room for your duck-friends and yourself!
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who wrote this? we are the hyperlocal bloggers
we are the hyperlocal bloggers
we have laptops and cases to protect them from our keys scratching them on the commute from our porch to the back deck
we need a vacation
we have at least one car that we need to show up to breaking news events like when an indian food restaurant opens or when a senior citizen wages war on chinese food by driving their car into the front of a takeout place.
we...
6 tags
breaking: hyperlocal dads trap pig in grill for...
read about the horror on baristanet
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bus driver held a man hostage for a minute because...
‘Oh our Dave’s an awesome driver fa la la la la la la la la…makes our mornings swift and brighter fa la la la laaaaaaa la la la la!’ - decamp hostage, steve
lots of people hate decamp because they are a line of buses and all buses suck. steve wrote to p@tch about how he was held hostage for 200 feet and it was NOT COOL. especially since there were no bus signs where steve...
