our secret identity
send your tips to our ironic aol email address - montclairthymes@aol.com
~~~ the montclair thymes investigates using maps and stuff ~~~
the montclair public library wants to be the center of community according to their “strategic plan.” is it in their strategic plan to physically move to the actual center of town, though? because, frankly speaking, it would be a shame to steal the glory of LITERALLY being the center of community from whoever actually is there.
to the maps!




do we really need to force “hurricane plumbing heating” to pass the torch of “center of community” to the library? isn’t “hurricane plumbing heating” already a good enough place to serve the community? they seem excellent, a real class act:

also we know they have ample heating and plumbing, which is really all we need besides froyo OF COURSE.
~~~ this has been an investigation by the montclair thymes, using maps and stuff ~~~
something tells us that montclarions are not going to be happy about the proposed 2013 budget :(
montclair state university is so high up on “the hill” that everyone there gets their news about 15 minutes later than the rest of us. then we get news from up there 15 minutes after that. aolol’s patchypatch is reporting an enormous number of “viral” videos coming from the hill which involve terrorist-friendly lyrics in FOREIGN languages and dance moves that aren’t the dance moves that the dance move-enthusiasts are used to dancing and moving to.
you know, when we hear or read “harlem shake,” we think of “milk shake” and you know what kind of reminds of milk shakes…
oh. my. glob.
CAN FROYO BE THE CURE TO THESE SO-FIVE-MINUTES-AGO ATTEMPTS AT VIRALITY?
someone better give us $1.1 million so we can save let’s yo.
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we are so ashamed. we disappear for months and awake to hot moms telling us that lets yo is for sale.
where did team frobros go wrong?

can’t help but think that let’s yo being for sale is all because of our sudden absence. if we had $1.1 million cash money dollar bills, we would buy let’s yo and reopen it as an erotic cakes shop. it wouldn’t be appropriate for the teen interns of froyotown to work there, so they’ll be out of work.
omfg, we would single-handedly restart the teen intern depression.
maybe we should go back into hibernation - wake us up when there are 5 of the next trendy type of place throughout town. we predict that colon-massages will be the next big hit. that or more cupcakes.
by the way, when will you people realize that cupcakes are just tiny cakes. you’re being conned into paying normal cake prices for smaller cakes.
hugs, not drugs
the editarghh
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omg i forgot my password to this site so i couldn’t do the snooze and it turns out the password was “caryafrick666” the whole time arghhhhhhhhh
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yoyoyo i really want you to mention the french brasserie Epernay, on Park St. some day. check it out! they do (or we do) an open mic every monday night but not nearly enough people know about it. plus we have kick ass homemade biscuits. check us out thymez <3
the editarghh once had brunch at epernay and it was delicious. the thymes supports this and any other business that stands behind a wall with a big rooster painted on it.
the hot moms of baristanet say that there are five froyo places and a newspaper says that there is going to be a shakedown. do you think the shakedown will be between froyo places, or newspapers and blogs talking about froyo? or maybe the froyo bros (froybros) against the media bruh alliance that is against it.

we don’t blame the mediabruhs for being a bunch of haters - it is just as easy to write about the news as it is to start a froyo place.
what if the media bruhlliance is right and there is a frobubble froburst?
if the dotcom bubble burst of yesteryear tells us anything, less teen interns will go to college for froputer science. the president will declare 15 years later that we need more people in the frosciences and it will be cool to be a frobro all over again. then there will be lots more froyo joints and the cycle will continue.
are you ~team frobros~ or part of the ~media bruhlliance~?
will you discourage your teen interns from majoring in froputer science, instead telling them to choose something more viable like english lit and/or erotic baking?
what’s your favorite place to bro-out over some froyo?